on to tokyo for one night stopover
it was 31 december…new years eve
too expensive to venture out
the airline put us up in narita in a beautiful hotel
they arranged champagne for all at the rooftop bar
i could feel that i simply did not belong in such situations
had my dinner and went to sleep

morning flight to los angeles
flying over the international dateline

new year celebrations again…was this a good omen
celebrating the new year twice

first landing in america…surprised that i just felt normal
and no real excitement to be in the usa at twenty years of age
i felt lost and totally confused at the vast distances in los angeles
just cars and cars and freeways and freeways
how and where did people actually meet
this was alien country for me
i felt really miserable and disconnected with whatever i see

i was to meet my friend in san diego
who would help me in america and arrange to get me to oregon

took the greyhound and arrived in san diego
felt much better there…the beaches and the city were more accessible
one actually could see people strolling about on the promenade

instead of arranging to help me get to oregon
i soon realise that my friend just needed someone to share the expenses
in his apartment as this started to finish all my money

i called oregon and they immediately began with
what visa did i have and as an indian how long was i allowed to stay
how much money was i carrying
that 50000 dollars was required to live in the commune
i simply could not understand what these people were talking about
they seemed distant and cold…i knew my trip to oregon would not happen
i felt disconnected towards the commune

i began to realise that i was just naive and stupid
unprepared for the realities of money and the world
i was already miserable with the american culture and environment
no real food for vegetarians
i withdrew into my shell and wanted to leave as soon as possible
two months in san diego learning about the cost of food living and travel
oregon was out of my reach
not wanting to overstay my visa
and lose all possibility of ever coming back to america
i returned to india and planned to prepare properly and come again

it took one year
this time i had spoken to my relatives who arranged for me
to directly go to my mothers sister usha aunty near chicago
she had promised to take care of me and get me to live
and work in her two motels in waukegan illinois
this way i would be financially able to go to oregon atleast for festivals
as i could not afford to be a resident in the commune