i remember that morning 29 october 1985
i received a phone call at about 9.30 am
i was sleeping in my relatives house in pasadena los angeles
wake up…turn on the tv…see the news

bhagwan is arrested

the commune is destroyed

in disbelief i turn on the tv in the drawing room
in the news bhagwan smiling coming off a plane with handcuffs
fbi agents surrounding him with guns

what the hell…am i in a nightmare

i pick up the table lamp and smash the tv
i am furious and could have killed anyone that moment

how can they do this to bhagwan
handcuffs and body chains
absolutely horrific
and totally unacceptable
to chain a fragile divine being

do they know what they are doing
can they not see his divine presence
chains on his graceful
and delicate hands
guns surrounding him

bhagwan smiling
radiant and graceful
his face utterly calm and a sparkling
twinkle in his eyes

first thing that morning
i still remember that image

the world has gone mad

my life has come to an end
now there is nowhere to go
no oregon
no running after bhagwan
no need to make money
a wall in front of my eyes
and the image of him
in chains handcuffed

i am a dragon breathing fire
outraged with nowhere
to vent this anger
mind frozen
what am i going to do

in sheer explosive anger
i close my eyes for the first time
and hear a silent voice

your enlightenment is all you can give to me

your anger can be used positively
burn the candle at both ends

be total
go in

your enlightenment is my only protection

i got the message loud and clear from bhagwan

go in…just go in

i call the commune
no one is really answering the phone
saying they do not know what is going to happen
it seems it is the end of the commune

i wanted to leave america and return to india
i disliked america and what they had done to him
to the commune
to my sannyasins whom i loved and adored
their collective blood sweat and tears to build
the greatest oasis on earth of a living buddha

they had destroyed the future of millions of seekers

i rush downtown to my importers…try and work
out a lump sum deal to sell all the garments
in one clearance lot to a jobber at cost price
and arrange to clear the balance and
pay back the indian company and leave america
twenty five days to clear out and pay back their
money having saved up just 2000 dollars