twenty days or so…only kundalini meditation
then intensely sitting the rest of the day…start to clock the time i am sitting
and soon one hour seems too short…then three hours…then six hours
perfect amount of sitting

now i begin to feel a certain control over my body
and feel some sort of achievement…a certain inner power
a will activated over the mind

i start to consciously experiment and direct my sitting
what does in really mean
do i just sit with eyes closed and feel the interiority of my body
and feel the inner gripping me from the inside
or is in a kundalini column in the spine
or is in deep near the navel
do i dive in with my breath compressed
do i need to use my breath to direct and to guide my dive in
many questions…go in…where is the in

these questions haunt me and i experiment hours and hours each night
with different sets of experiments…it is so engrossing and intense
i love each moment of these dives
it is clear that there is another universe inside
far deeper and more vast in content
a great scientist is needed to go in and observe all these possible layers
all these multidimensional perspectives of experience inside
what a joy…sheer joy…it is becoming interesting and time is just flying
perhaps i am flying into many new layers…the mystery deepens
i am not looking for results anymore…the journey is getting a grip over me

my simple method is working
kundalini shakeup…shakeup the solid
then sit still three hours in the evening
i have now begun to look forward to sitting each night undisturbed
9 pm till 3 am…six hours into the night…total nine hours sitting each day

it is becoming clear to me that somehow the buddhafield was activating
and magnifying many of the dormant inner spaces i was experiencing
when i was a child in the mountains during my school days
everything inside me was becoming alive
and i was giving it complete trust and support

these days and nights of intense sittings of nine hours daily
i begin to realise that that every night i sleep eleven or so hours
i should add the sleep time for continuous meditation
and began to practise falling asleep slowly reclining
and as if the sittings are continuing…sleeping every night into this state
i soon get up in the morning to a huge upward pull and begin to
experience a vast energy pool surrounding me

having gained some sense of direction and control over my sittings
the solid part is over i feel

i have become more flowing and liquid…my days are changing
i begin experimenting with my previous experiences of walking
walking becomes much slower…lighter and buoyant
the childhood experiences start manifesting themselves
the earlier weightless walking experiences become more dense
yet begins feeling more like a gliding motion
sannyasins in the ashram are beginning to notice me now
earlier i was sitting away from their view
now i am walking every day behind buddha grove…all eyes are on me
especially swami swabhav…always checking on me
i am causing him trouble as people begin talking about
the way i walk just like bhagwan
that my name is rajneesh like bhagwan
that i remind them of bhagwan
alarm bells for his ears

i am silent…i do not speak to anyone and they think that i am dumb
i dont listen to others and they think that i am deaf…literally
soon they think that i am too arrogant
others think that i pretend to be enlightened…holier than thou

i am too engrossed and pay no attention
the days and nights are too short…deeply immersed in this experiment
each day the thread leads into the next day
i must follow this trail that is deepening and unravelling before me

i can feel that someone is leading me…and that i am not alone
i have a guide hovering over me…i can feel a presence
my body is walking without walking…someone is carrying it
it moves without the slightest effort from me…a glide has begun
i have become vertical light…it moves the body
experiencing bodylessness

i recollect some experiences on walking slowly
i could speak a thousand pages on these experiments

walking and feeling my whole body move from feet to head
i focus on the earth in front of me
totally focused on my walk
on the simple movements of walking

as the body slows down the breath slows down
a new inner breathing takes over
it is cool fragrant and sweet
it pulls my head upwards and i stop thinking
just me and my footsteps
no thoughts
just a blank space

my head has needles piercing through it
it is painful yet intoxicating

it makes me drunk
the air is becoming thick
with a new sensation of warmth
and something holding me fr
om all around