there is a little courtyard in sunderban with a small lemon tree
this was a perfect spot to sit unnoticed
absolutely no disturbance

i started my final seven days dive
totally resolute and now more intensely focused

it all started with this seven days ultimatum

my body started to get very very hot…i was getting high fever
and continuously sweating…moaning in high fever in my sleep
the next day the body started to get ice cold
to shiver and shiver…my teeth chattering
it was all strange
one day intense heat…another day intense cold
perhaps i had pushed too much
so i let go and dropped pushing as i would only get sick this way

something in my body started to break down
i was feeling a transparent vapour surrounding me
cool and nourishing…like a silent guide

the intensity and focus made my bodymind obedient to my wishes
supporting my every wish and desire
i had released a genie from the bottle

sitting still…just sitting still
i began to realise that the air outside was not empty
it was thick with energy enveloping and gripping me from the outside
and that there was some energy thick and gripping me from the inside
perhaps if they were to meet…the inner and outer were to become one

so i become absolutely still
and focus on stillness
breathing in…breathing out
i began to focus only on the gaps
in breath gap…out breath gap
this gap was my new focus

there start to come moments where i would forget to breathe in or out
long pauses in the gap began to appear
and a sudden feeling that i was falling into something
just slipping into some sort of tunnel in the gaps
it was extremely scary as i realised for the first time
i was in a very complex focal point in between the breath on the gap
several times the fear of the breath stopping drew me into a blackout
and i could hear a tunnelling sound as if being sucked into a vacuum
it was scary but still very exciting

as my stillness became more and more compressed
i also began to experience an expansion of the stillness

new experiences began to surface

my body started to smell of jasmine
the scent was so overpowering that it began to intoxicate me
and my eyelids became heavier and heavier
the intoxication extremely heavy and thick
i was moving into a trance like state
heavy sleep surrounding me

i was losing my mental grip on my daily controlled routine
this intoxication was simply overpowering
i was blissed out and let go
no more routine
just go with this trance and let it take over

the experience of sound became strange
it was almost as if sound came from everywhere
and i was sitting inside it…like ripples all moving in circles…around me
the more i experienced this the more i became aware of my silences

it was becoming deafening…the ripples around me
the silences deepened
i was being drowned into a sound of a hum
humming like millions of bees in my head
sometimes it was too loud…unbearable
but it was out of my control

my touch began to expand
the rock i sat on felt almost like feathers
i could feel my hands were alive with a feather like touch

i am now always looking upwards
the spot between my eyebrows was in a hypnotic state
a drill like force pressing into it gripping my forehead like a bench vice
i could not look down
my eyes always looking up to the sky
as if waiting for something to appear in front of me

while my inner senses started reaching outwards
i could feel that they were also moving inwards…a merger
inside to outside and outside to inside
sensitivity grew…there were no more walls
i was vaporising

my body starts expanding and stretching like a balloon
i feel the currents in the air merging with me

from nowhere and everywhere
from the sky, the earth, the grass, the trees, the rocks, the air
all becoming animate and everything started to pour into me
my body has disappeared
i was completely transparent and vulnerable

layers and layers suddenly start opening in front of me
i am trying hard to manage and control these experiences
a multitude of experiences all pouring down into me