she nods smiles and says that she saw it all
ok…and hands me a special pass for the day
thank you ma laxmi…this is my special day
we are led inside…sit in an area…and are soon taken upstairs

i walk very very slowly…letting others pass by me
and end up last up the spiral stairs
i see ma vivek for the very first time appear on top of the staircase
and watch me climb slowly up the stairs

another gift for my eyes and i feel immense gratitude towards her
she has taken care of bhagwan…she is a goddess in front of my eyes
i fold my hands namaste and deeply bow towards her
she smiles…i feel warmly welcomed by her
atleast bhagwans closest people are loving and compassionate
i say to myself

ashok bharti is singing…a long white beard
such passion and love in his voice…a rhythm of love flowing
this is where i belong…with these people again…we need to be together
with bhagwan guiding us along…his eternal caravanserai

the air becomes absolutely still…all eyes turn
bhagwan enters beaming with a smile
i see him walk with such drunkenness and awareness at the same time
gently namaste with twinkling eyes…glide into his chair
this is the first time i have seen him

it has taken six long years of waiting

bhagwans physical presence is overwhelming
every particle of air drenched in honey…thick and overflowing
i am drunk like never before
my samadhi a month ago was not so sweet
this is the real thing

my tears are flowing
i look at him…but shyly…close my eyes again
i cannot look directly into his eyes…it would be intruding
i close my eyes and my tears just flow and the tears just flow
time has disappeared

i am transported into the same black hole
even deeper and gentler and sweeter

i can hear him say
that one day this moment will be remembered in history
blessings on your arrival
go deeper…there is more…there is more

i cannot hear his words
i am drowning into bliss

om om om om vibrating everywhere

i hear ashok bharti start to sing again

where am i…where have i been…who am i

he is dancing with joy…i know why…he knows i know why
i will keep my secret till i have grown my wings
and he makes me fly into the world to rejoice and sing his song
to dance his dance…to share his overflowing love

i am in bliss and totally grateful to existence for all it has given me

his presence is a deep dive into eternity
this one meeting is eternal

i need to absorb all that he has showered into me this evening
drink totally and not waste a single drop

i do not want to disturb bhagwan any more
my reverence towards him to maintain a sacred distance
i want to keep myself on my toes and not take him for granted

i know he is pouring everything into me
i must prepare a deeper well to deserve and drink more

let other thirsty fellow travellers drink
the place is small…many want to meet him
make space for others…give them their chance…they all need him

i remain eternally grateful to ma laxmi for the pass

i return blissfully to poona

the last desire to physically see him also complete
now i must go in deeper and make the most of those precious moments
i was fortunate to receive in sumila
go in and prepare for a deeper receiving of the master

i sit alone
so many layers had opened and i needed time
to melt into its understanding and begin to grow inwards
it dawns upon me the sheer magnitude of the experiences confronting me
the sheer unrealised implications of what transpired
during that dark night of the soul

the grace and compassion of the descent of the greatest buddha
gautama the buddha…his blessings
my inexperience and unconsciousness in the struggle out of fear
and begin to realise that bhagwan was safeguarding
his promised astral body known as maitreya

everything had happened so suddenly with no preparation
i had been mentally emotionally physically unprepared

i wish i had just let go…and even if i had died
they were there to take care of my return to the body
i was feeling deeply guilty
but i was only human and frail

this too shall pass