there was a simple frail bespectacled woman in poona those days
who also got into trouble for walking slowly
she had to distance herself from me to save herself being stigmatised

the same aggressive german woman shouted
that i was a sexually repressed indian and had done my chakra reading
that the answer for me was to f… this thin bespectacled woman
who also walked slowly

everyone was laughing…it was great entertainment for them

for the very first time i was sad
really not for myself as i could easily defend myself
but hurt to see that they had attacked this simple innocent woman
and began to keep a great distance from her just to protect her

this became my new way distancing myself from people
young new people arriving everyday were immediately attracted to me
i would ask them to keep silent and remain away from me
as i knew that in just a day or so they would be poisoned about me
and would turn their back against me as if i was misguiding them

i kept away from all…sannyasins or non sannyasins
i was being isolated by those who wanted me broken
who wanted to clip my wings…to try and hurt or destroy me

this was the daily news for me…my daily bread
attacked by over one thousand sannyasins in some manner or other
the very few who loved me soon became afraid to be seen near me
as they would soon be isolated from the crowd

my dinners saw immense silence
whichever table i moved towards was emptied out and cleared
the pathways were clear as wherever i walked people moved away

i loved this show…they were making way for an emperor

these days saw a few violent and physical attacks on me
on one occasion i was physically pushed to make me walk and move fast
on another picked up and violently thrown on the ground
another hit on the head to say that i needed a zen stick
another strong armed and shaken to get me out of my mind trip
pushed into the pool…and i do not know how to swim
these attacks were talked about amongst sannyasins
and more started to take advantage of my silence

i was considered a fun target…i was dead and serious
and seriousness was a sickness in bhagwans vision

i was simply moving in awareness
and my facial expressions were of detached awareness

the theatre group in the ashram made a comical satire play about me
walking slowly pretending to be bhagwan and being enlightened
watched by hundreds of laughing people…life was a joke…life was laughter
and non seriousness…i was target for their spriritual entertainment

this story went on forever… new rumours…everyday saw new attacks
new enemies…it was becoming boring for me…if they attacked me
atleast bring a good argument or debate against me even once
they simply came…said whatever…and ran
not even looking into my eyes

ego…jealousy and now cowardice
no wonder we are where we are