so i looked at the positive side

bhagwan started to appear in the new buddha hall 7 july 1987
and as the fence was behind the podium i laughed at myself
and realised that i was standing right behind bhagwan
only about ten metres away

perhaps this was to be his gift
i laughed at my stupidity to try going in
celebrating and dancing madly when he came to the new buddha hall
just metres behind him
all the energy of thousands of sannyasins rushing towards him
could be felt like tidal waves from where i was dancing
thank you all my beloved friends
i was receiving the flow waves upon waves upon waves
and bhagwan was dancing with delight

i knew he knew that i knew
celebrations are coming
just live these moments and drown into them
my pain disappeared whenever he appeared
for the moment i had forgotten and celebrated his showering

the air became silent
and bhagwan began speaking
i sat down on the grass and was lost in silence
drinking every word every silence
time was floating by

i opened my eyes to see angry gestures
there were few guards now looking down at me
from above the fence on the ashram side

fingers pointing harshly toward me in the garden of sunderban
it was my side of the fence and i was a resident here

fingers wagging at me
hey move away from there…move away from there

i opened my eyes wide in surprise
this was not their property
i was not their slave nor under their jurisdiction

who the f… were they thinking they were

i cannot take bullshit
these guards were trying to threaten me on my side of the fence
saying hey you move away from there…hey you move away from there

this was the straw that broke the camels back
i immediately stood up…drew in a deep breath…and began to fire them
with my voice as loud and clear as possible
so that all in the buddha hall and bhagwan could hear me

who the hell do you think you are
do you own this entire world
and what the hell do those people in power sitting in the front rows think
that the ashram is their private property
that they now own and have purchased the buddha
that the buddha has now been sold to them
that bhagwan has become your puppet only for your daily entertainment

the front row power trippers were my target
they heard my every word
i know bhagwan was smiling