the master is not the body confined in his bedroom
the master is the pure witness
floating free of form watching our every single step
the master is the witness
the one eyed seer

his disciples are a living experiment
he sees all and knows all

i was aware of his secret
his floating witnessing presence
carrying him above me silently like a flame of awareness
vertically conscious in my walking or sitting and in every gesture
allowing his divine presence to grip me more deeply

i was a hollow bamboo
clearing out all my rubbish so the guest can enter and make his home

bhagwan was watching silently
surprised at all the actions against me from his closest disciples
they had never been tested against a mirror of an ordinary disciple

for bhagwan they all wore a special mask
for me there was no mask
i was just that slow walking idiot rajneesh
not even considered as being human…just an animal
he was beginning to see their true faces

knowing what i knew
i was heartbroken for what bhagwan was seeing
i could absorb their inhumanity towards me
but bhagwan had worked deeply and lovingly on them for twenty years
it was a defeat for him…his work had failed…his people had failed him
perhaps he was too optimistic and soft on his people

the american government did less harm to him than his own people
he could see that if he was to come back
they would destroy him and actually ban him from this buddhafield

announcement in buddha hall 18 august
came as a surprise to many but not to me

that bhagwan says…few have understood my words

the meditation camps intensify
bhagwan begins to appear for silent thunderbolt appearances

i am still being watched by the management
i live alone and am in no relationships
and come only at 2.30 pm…exactly the same routine
of sitting and then walking for one hour behind buddha grove
then sitting outside for evening taped discourse

my habit to deeply sit for twenty nine days
and then see bhagwan for that special one day
during the full moon
continued although bhagwan stopped appearing

i am stubborn and fixed on certain inner matters

i continued sitting outside near the pyramid for the evenings
and was called in saying that the pyramid was for therapists
who worked with the crystals…and for giving esoteric readings
that i was acting special by sitting in that prime location
and that i should be humble and drop my name rajneesh
and stop people calling me rajneesh

anything to attack me
so i laughed and said
i am a simple disciple with an obvious ego which i am trying to drop
bhagwan was my master without any ego to drop
so the best would be if bhagwan dropped his name rajneesh
and i personally had no objection to his dropping his name

soon i was to hear that complaints were sent to bhagwan
to change my name…many letters were sent to him against me
so bhagwan simply smiled and said
yes change his name
it is wrongly spelt rajnish
change it to rajneesh

ha le lu ya