a mother bleeds…her deepest paining heart
mataji a devotee and divine mother

she has always loved me from the day she saw me
when i took my sannyas
everyday she humbly and with gentle grace
brought herself to the gateless gate in an autorickshaw
walking slowly with her meditation cushion under her arm
pure as a flowing waterfall…unassuming and silent
the leaf on a tree…just as it is…pure and simply there

the greatest devotee of osho
the most compassionate mother of all
the ultimate mother of an awakened one

i hold myself together and gently knock on her door
the family is gathered surrounding her in her grief
i understand and want to leave
she looks at me
crying…with tears beckons me in towards her
my son…my son rajneesh…you are alive
my son rajneesh you are alive…my son…my son

i am flooded with tears
speechless…i touch her feet

the graceful family of osho looks on
they gently and lovingly ask me softly to go
mataji is in deep shock and in grieving pain
i remind her of osho which is even more painful

i can understand
this grieving time is sacred
i bow and gently leave

a few days pass
the word again spreads
i am reminding them more and more of osho
people are coming towards me with deep love and silence
wanting to be near me…without any reason…just to be close to me

the ashram management and authority are closely watching me now
i am always a troublemaker…everywhere i go some new story

a woman comes to tell me of her dreams and tales
i saw you had died…they were taking your body on a stretcher to buddha hall
osho came to bless you and leaned down to touch your forehead
suddenly you disappeared and i saw osho being taken to the burning ghats

another sees osho speaking on his discourse chair
his face changes and i appear…what was this apparition
what to make of it…it haunts him everyday

another sees me slowly walking behind buddha grove
and in a flash with his long white beard…osho walking instead

a child rushes towards me screaming osho osho
and says she wants to pull my white beard
may i pull your beard osho…may i pull your beard osho