i add a water cooler in my room to open my ida and breathing
and sleeping becomes my new way of life
i arrange a bathtub in my flat to soak in extremely hot water
for an hour each day
the hot water allows the pain in my body to subside
i search for deep tissue massage to help open the damaged shoulder
and start receiving sessions twice weekly

not entering the ashram during the day
i remain invisible and keep a low profile
and only go to the ashram in the evening for my dinner
and a walk behind buddha grove

they have allowed me to remain here in poona for five months

that to me is a sheer miracle
who needs more miracles to know they exist…this is proof enough

i am stopped at the gateless gate one afternoon
by an alcoholic power tripper…tathagat
he was waiting for his chance to ban me for some reason or other

announcing to me
that i was banned from the ashram for walking slowly
if i wished to enter again i was not allowed to walk slowly any more
that i must change my hand gestures
and the bodily movements of osho that i imitate
the way i walk…the way i move my hands…the way i look

looking upwards at my keeper osho
i promise in front of the sacred gateless gate for all seekers of truth
his day will also come…wait my dear friend
just wait…i always keep my promise

i am simply tired of my having to daily spend all my energy
to justify my life and live the way i do
there is no reason for me to be here any more

i could see there was no future within this ashram
the sannyasins already knowing all
full of the words of osho

osho has spoken six hundred books on every subject on earth
from both sides of the fence…the pro and the con

sannyasins twist each word easily to meet their needs
readily on the tips of their tongues

i know that i have a very responsible journey ahead

with my physical condition perhaps another eight years or so
to repair and heal my body requires money and time

in these months i was approached by many
to move to their ashrams spread throughout the world
and speak of whatever i had experienced

many could see and secretly knew that i had received
some secret transmission from osho
many were aware i had undergone my first samadhi
that much understanding was enough for them to seek me out
i was an acharya by now
i had known the truth
seeing is being
now await pure being

i always knew that i would bide my time
till i completed the final step

michelangelo hid his david till the last
then revealed the masterpiece to the world

not before the fourth samadhi when the last layer was thin and transparent
would i begin his work or speak

i returned to the world to earn my living and live as an ordinary man

if it was meant to be…so be it
if not meant to be…then so be it

i knew my rebirth had happened
the great transmission floating upon me
the embryo floating outside my body would grow at its own pace

nourish it and feed it with awareness
let existence decide my timing
 

this too shall pass